Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
