Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have demons in me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
