Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
ttyl tear gas
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
