White coat. Heels.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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