Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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