Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize