Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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