Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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