Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
