theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
