My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
