please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I looked at my own cervix.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
