Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
