In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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