we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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