Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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