pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
