He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
