So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
