Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
