So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
