You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
