Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I touched a dick in church today
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