who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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