Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
