i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
