So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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