How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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