Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
