Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
