I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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