We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize