Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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