She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
