on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
