I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
