youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
