I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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