I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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