Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
