Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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