brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
