Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
