i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is my gift to your gina
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
