put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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