The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
