so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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