I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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