Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
