You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just forgot I was standing up.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
