I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize