Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
