Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
