Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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