can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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