If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
