I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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