I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
40s are totally the cure
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
