I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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