You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize