Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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