planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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