Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
